If you got a phone call on April Fool’s Day, and someone said that there was a baby that needed a home…

Would you:

A)     Assume that your well-meaning friend had a slightly cruel streak for pulling that sort of practical joke.

B)      Say, “We’ll take him.  Every child deserves a loving family.”

C)      Laugh like a lunatic because, honey, going back to the newborn stage is not in your life plan until your nickname is ‘Grandma’.

As tempting as ‘C’ was, ‘B’ was our real response.  And then, six days later, the birth mother realized that she could receive a monthly stipend if she gave her child up through an adoption agency.

It had only been a week.  We hadn’t painted any rooms or told all the grandparents or bought any tiny shoes.  But we were crushed.

“Why doesn’t the birth mother like us now?” our daughter kept asking with a catch in her voice.

“It has nothing to do with us.  You would be an excellent older sister,” were our only words of consolation.

So now, almost a month later, our family has made a decision.  Without knowing it, we were missing someone…  And after a lot of prayer, we’ve begun the long adoption process.

Even as I type this, I feel afraid.  What if God’s answer is ‘no’?  Heartbreak, frustration, confusion—who signs up for that?  And although this blog provides me with some form of anonymity, our friends and family will know of our wait… and pain… if another adoption falls through.

The golden side to this venture is, of course, the darling little one at the end.  And no pregnancy this time!  And how excited our daughter is to share her affection.  And how blessed we are to have a home with space for a new face.  And how we do have incredible friends and family who are eager to paint, quilt, diaper, and snuggle tiny toes.

So the only downside to all this is… fear?  Yeah, I can deal with that.

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